Activities for dementia: what really helps in everyday life

People with dementia want to be needed. This remains, even when much else is lost. The desire to contribute and not just sit out the day belongs to a human being — it does not disappear with the diagnosis.

Relatives often ask themselves: What can I still do with her? What is good for him, what overwhelms him? This guide provides answers in simple words.

It's about the doing, not the result

This is the most important sentence on this topic. Whether the napkin is folded straight in the end does not matter. What is important is that someone did something and felt that it was good for something.

Therefore, a shared activity is almost always better than an activity offer that is clearly only there for occupation. Many people with dementia notice the difference and reject what feels like a program.

Ask life, not memory

The best guide is one's own history. What did this person like to do in the past? What was his job, what was her home?

• Anyone who liked to cook can clean vegetables, stir dough, or taste-test.
• Anyone who was in the garden can water flowers, pluck weeds, or sort seed packets.
• Anyone who did manual work can sort screws, sand a board, or oil a hinge.
• Anyone who sang a lot often still sings along, even when speaking has long been difficult.

Such activities are familiar. They do not require new learning, but retrieve something that lies deep.

Everyday life is the best program

There is more activity in the household than in any game. Folding towels, sorting cutlery, gathering laundry, setting the table, dusting, putting away the groceries.

Two things make the difference:

• Together instead of alone. Sitting next to each other at the table and doing the same thing is half the effect.
• Small steps. One thing at a time, each explained with a short sentence. Not three instructions at once.

If something is not done correctly, leave it as it is. You can touch it up later when the other person is not around. Correcting takes away exactly what it was all about.

What goes through the senses

When language and memory fade, the senses remain. They are often the easiest access:

• Music. Songs from youth are often still recognized and sung along to. Play what used to play at home.
• Smells. Fresh bread, coffee, soap, flowers, cinnamon. Smells awaken memories faster than words.
• Touch. Holding hands, a hand massage with cream, a warm blanket.
• Pictures. Looking at old photos and letting them tell stories. Do not quiz them on who is in them — just listen to what comes.

Movement is part of it

Movement is good for the body and mood and helps with sleep. A walk around the same block, every day at the same time, is better than a big trip every four weeks. Dancing to familiar music, seated exercises, or climbing stairs together also count.

What usually does not work

• Quizzing. "Do you remember what this is called?" puts them under pressure and often ends in withdrawal. Instead, tell the story yourself: "That was back then at the lake, wasn't it?"
• Games with rules. Classic board games quickly overwhelm because they require keeping rules in mind.
• Too much at once. Noise, many people, a full day. Fewer stimuli are almost always better.
• Kid stuff. Material that is obviously made for children is perceived as an insult. Adult things in a simple form are right.

When it doesn't work

There will be days when nothing is accepted. This is not a failure and not a sign that you are doing something wrong. The daily form fluctuates greatly, and more is often possible in the morning than in the evening.

Then stop without pushing, and try again later or tomorrow. A quiet being together is also worth something.

For relatives

Activity is not a task you have to carry alone. Three things help in everyday life:

• Fixed times. A recurring point in the day provides stability — the walk after lunch, listening to music in the afternoon. Reminders and recurring appointments in the phone take away the need to think ahead.
• Sharing. Write down what does good and pass it on — to siblings, to neighbors, to everyone who comes regularly. This way, not everyone has to find out anew what works.
• Own breaks. Anyone who is exhausted themselves no longer has patience. That is human, not failure.

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This article provides general information on everyday life and does not replace medical or nursing advice. In case of severe restlessness, aggression, or sudden changes in behavior, please speak to the treating physician.